The evolution of the Indian UNCLE

In India, there are stages in one's life that are described by what someone who does not know you calls you by either to call out to you or to describe you. These are culturally present to make addressing someone slightly more respectable … I am just speculating that is the reason but now it is just a practice we don't question

A child is called Munna as he progresses a bit more it is beta/beti or chotu or choti as you start sporting an ugly fuzz as in my case comes in the bhaiya and then when the middle-aged spread hits or if you are just plain dodgy comes the dreaded uncle , a word one  cant dare to use for a real relative as they would find it insulting not be a chacha, a fooffa or the other assigned guttural sounds associated to them by genealogy 

To get the gravitas of the uncle moniker one first has to understand how a younger me saw them and what I thought they were all about. First, let me talk about the commonalities before I take stab in bringing across the different kinds.

They were all your father's friends or could be at least age-wise. They were all considered totally uncool, maybe with an exception or two, based on some privilege they extended you… but still uncool. All their articulation was scripted to a certain form .. they did not speak to children without processing their words , how are you beta, having fun, which sports do you play … A more intellectual uncle sometimes would slip in an age-appropriate joke, but decorum was maintained. 

Within the uncle spectrum based on behaviour, there are a few subcategories of uncles 

The I am Young Uncle - This uncle was all about sports , he would drop his friends and go and play around with the ids but with an eyes on his friends reaffirming the facts … yaar tum to budhe ho Gaye how … I am jawaan

The King Uncle This uncle was the most fun he would buy happines , big treats great gifts he would win the kids through age aold time tested format greed

The Academic Uncle This was the dreaded uncle who had an unhealthy intrest in your career mostly because he had no other communication prowess .

The Silent Uncle My guess was this uncle never liked kids he would smile say mono syllables and the wait for the kids to disappear which was a safe bet as those days atleast in my house the motto was “children should be seen not heard”

One thing they all had in common hey all cursed the younger generation for being lazy and dreamers. They were bewildered by their actions. The world around them was changing really fast, and most of them were not bothered to change with it and those who tried usually could not keep pace as they were weighed down with years of conditioning and structure. 

Our Generation

We knew it all, at least that's what we thought, We had seen all the mistakes of the earlier generation, We hated some of the practices of our fathers and our uncles. We had data and research that gave labels to the kind of parenting we had gone through, and we were not going to repeat it … we were going to be the anti-uncle … the forever friend …. We were going to be with it ( a term most probably the newer generation would describe as cringe). In a nutshell, we had figured it out and were sure that we would change the system and finish all this ageism that we practised hypocritically in the rearview mirror. 

Little did we know that we would still be uncles because the power to anoint uncle status does not lie with us anymore, but it is with the preceding generations. We have become slicker and have scaled the hierarchy of needs, but some things in the base have not changed… we think we know the answer, we rant on the younger ones, and there a million rants on millennials as proof floating around both online and offline. Even if we are culturally evolved, it takes us a bit of processing power to understand what is considered cool these days. Some may feel otherwise, but that is called denial, which is another middle-age symptom. Most prioritise comfort over adventure, and adventure, if it happens, is always planned and planned well. We use the term “that does not make sense” a lot and we get fascinated with new slang and when we try to use I am sure it is cringeworthy for the kids. The uncle language on its own is blog-worthy so I will quit, 

The newly minted uncles have some broad types, this is not an exhaustive list but these are the few obvious ones we all have seen.

The evolution of the modern uncle

The Boss Uncle - He has gladly accepted his unclehood and doubled down he wants to be godfather, his whole persona is that I am not going to mince my words just because you are a kid, will summon and dismiss at his will … but will let the young ones be a part of their world their space to experience how grown-up life can be for a second or till he is bored … his motive is to show them that being young is overrated.

The Denial Uncle - Someone forgot to tell him he is an uncle, he is the hey-buddy uncle whose lifestyle is close to that of a student on a summer holiday with unlimited pocket money. He is playing sports; he is travelling to cool places, and doing cool things. In a nutshell, he is making all the posters of his wanking days come to life

He stole your lifestyle, uncle - This uncle lost out on his childhood, making his life and now he is reclaiming it with a vengeance, he has googled what is cool and doing it all. He is dressing like a 20-year-old, talking like a 20-year-old and all his activities are cojoined by a younger friend or his kids. He seems to be having fun but for how long … well the jury is still out on that 

The trad Uncle - He did not get the memo, He had the most secure childhood and in all probability, a decent inheritance. He does not see any reason to change the social hierarchy; he became an uncle the day his kid was born and is loving it.

This is by far not an exhaustive list but of some stereotypes which we all see around us … the common ones exclude men with a mission or people on flights of fancy who forgot to be fathers and, husbands so, uncle is a far cry.

What I have realised with this exercise is that there is no escaping evolution and the by-product of it. We have gained perspectives with age and our individual journeys it would be a disservice to negate that by holding on to an era which has passed. It is ok being an uncle, not that one has a choice, but the most important is being authentic. One should be driven to do better and be better. To be able to look back and appreciate the humour in these patterns.    We need to be patient with the next generation and give them a chance to surprise us like we did to our previous generation … and of course enjoy the privileges of being an uncle.

I realized I was uncle when I noticed that the conversation would change when I walked into a room, and once that realisation sunk in, a million other obvious clues were there. I am not complaining, as I have a pretty decent life, but I am certainly not in denial … are you